Not exactly, but I couldn’t help but be reminded. Probably because I was stuck in a hotel a couple weeks ago, and got sucked into Heathers (1989) while I was channel clicking. Dark, campy, sophomoric, it was terrible of course, but also an instant cult classic. The antithesis of John Hughes’ Gen X feel-good 80s fare. Could not be made today, not by a long shot. Sadly, here it is in real life, except with fifth graders:
SURPRISE, AZ (AZFamily) — A newly released police report reveals disturbing details in a murder plot involving 5th-grade students in Surprise.
A group of 10 and 11-year-old girls is accused of devising a plan to kill a boy at school. Documents said the friends devised the plan during lunch and recess on Oct. 1, 2024.
“Just end him” was the goal, according to the police report, which said the motive may be about a recent break-up and cheating allegations.
According to the police report, four 5th-grade students at Legacy Traditional School’s West Surprise campus planned to lure a classmate to the charter school’s outside bathroom and stab him in the stomach.
Each girl had a role to play to get away with it. One would bring the knife, another would forge a suicide note to make it seem like he took his own life, and someone would act as a lookout while the other carried out the stabbing.
To avoid fingerprints on the murder weapon, they would wear gloves.
Legacy administrators worked with the school resource officer to investigate when students who overheard the murder plot came forward.
All four children were arrested on charges of threatening and misdemeanor disorderly conduct.
The police report said three students showed remorse, but the fourth would smile and laugh while making excuses for their actions…
The remakes are always so much worse, aren’t they?
Maybe Big Fun needs to get back together for an updated “5th Grade Murder, Don’t Do It” single.
Disturbing it sure is and yet another example of how unrestricted access to today’s media in all its forms and mobile phones in particular are portals to hell for young, uncatechized souls.
This story does make me grateful though that I left my mixed junior school aged 11 and went on to an all boys’ school. OK, so Siobhan Fitzpatrick was nice but that still left 14 others in my class who would blithely have quenched my lamp and buried me in a remote part of the school grounds had the opportunity presented itself.