Ten outrageous examples of Fedgov wasting your money on “higher education”

By Emily Sturge ’25

1. Gambling for Pigeons

The National Institute of Health (NIH) granted $465,339 to researchers at Reed College in Portland, Oregon to “create a token-based economy where pigeons are taught to gamble with slot machines.”

The study gave pigeons tokens that they can “earn, accumulate, spend, or gamble” on slot machines, the New York Post reports.

2. Chimps Throwing Feces

The US National Institutes of Health spent $592,527 at Emory University in Atlanta to explore why chimpanzees throw feces. Another $117,000 was necessary to conclude that most chimps are right-handed, the Washington Examiner reports.

Their research suggests that throwing feces is a sign of intelligence in chimps.

3. Drunken Finches

The National Institutes of Health gave $5 million to the Oregon Health & Science University to study if finches slurred their songs when alcohol was in their systems.

The birds were given white grape juice spiked with alcohol, which impacted their singing ability, NBC News reports.

4. Bees on Cocaine

The National Institutes of Health funded over $240,000 to study the impact of cocaine on honey bees at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.

With cocaine in their system, the bees were more likely to dance, the researcher found.

5. Shrimp on Treadmills

The National Science Foundation (NSF) funded $1.3 million to make shrimp run on tiny treadmills at the College of Charleston in South Carolina.

The study tested how sickness impaired shrimp mobility.

6. $500k Study if Selfies Make you Happy

A University of California, Irvine-based research team received $500,000 in federal funding to study if taking selfies makes people happy.

The 4-week study found that taking selfies boosted participants’ moods.

7. Secret Language of French Butchers

The National Endowment for the Humanities funded $30,000 for a study at the University of Connecticut to research “a secret, highly endangered language spoken by Parisian butchers,” the New York Times reports.

8. Bee Sting Pain

The National Science Foundation funded $1 million to a researcher at Cornell University to rank how much it hurt to be stung by honey bees on different parts of his body, Real Clear Policy reports.

Spoiler alert, it’s the nostrils, upper lip, and genitals. The researcher endured roughly 200 bee stings.

9. Sexy Goldfish

The National Science Foundation awarded $3.6 million to a study at Bowdoin College in Maine, where a portion of this funding went to experiments on what makes goldfish feel sexy.

Researchers discovered that when given sex steroids, male goldfish exhibited more social behavior and swam closer to their female counterparts, the Daily Signal reports.

10. AI Toilets

The National Cancer Institute funded nearly $7 million to researchers at Stanford University to build an AI toilet, Real Clear Policy reports.

The toilet is equipped with cameras that scans the user’s waste and unique “analprint.” DOGE is not an official government agency and is expected to conclude its work by July 4, 2026. As of November 2024, the United States national debt is $35.97 trillion.

https://www.campusreform.org/article/sturge-10-outrageous-taxpayer-funded-higher-ed-research-projects-doge-can-investigate/26949

3 thoughts on “Ten outrageous examples of Fedgov wasting your money on “higher education””

  1. You know, AI is simply a computer program. It is programmed by people. It has zero intelligence. Yet the masses are stupid and think it is, and this will also cause mayhem.

    There is a class at UCLA where the textbook was completely written by AI and the assignments are AI. They’re laughing at us.

    For decades we’ve been fed a steady diet of lies via Hollywood that has shaped our belief system. One of them is pandemics , which cannot happen and which led to 6 billion people killing themselves with a “vaccine”. The other is AI/Superintelligence/The rise of the machines.

    If we accept the premise that AI is innate intelligence we will accept it as a scapegoat when we are raped, murderered, and robbed. Like Trump outsourcing his responsibilities to entities that are illusions, AI will be given responsibility for the actions of real men and women. Its a built in get out of jail free card.

    Ps., all the country has to do is only spend the money it has. Cut the rest. That’s it. But the government is spending so much to collapse on purpose so digital currency can take over.

  2. Aggh. It’s been a little over 50 years. I remember from college a government funded study: The Morphology of the Penis of the Hawaiian Fruit Bat.

    But this thing hasn’t blown up yet. It’s like the optimist who jumped off the Empire State Bldg said as he plunged downward past the 50th floor: “So far, so good!’

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